he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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