piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
