she was so not down for the gang bang
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
