What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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