Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
