i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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