I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
