I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
