hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
