If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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