girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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