How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
