i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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