haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
