He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
