Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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