The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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