It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize