strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
