Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
