i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
