did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
