So drunk its hurt
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
