There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
