So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
someone owes me an orgasm
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
