there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
