sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
