dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
