As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i think my cat just said my name.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
