his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
