my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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