her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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