I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
