Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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