PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
