Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
