If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
