I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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