Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
