I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
