U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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