i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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