i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
