how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
