I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
