WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
