I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
