i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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