so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
