I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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