38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
