end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Couch. On fire.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
