Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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