Only a mothe r could love this liver
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
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Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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