i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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