i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
