Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
