They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He shit in the fireplace
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
