we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
