I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
