Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
