i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
