Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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