His apartment number was 69. I had to.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
