I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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