Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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