When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
