WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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