return my video game
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
