My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
