The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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