i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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